grrrr stress

urghhh youth group sunday school thing... i woke myself up at 8 bcuz i felt like i was being drawn 2 get up and go, not only 2 church, but sunday school. in sunday school our teach ended up talking about how our relationships within our group are messed up. the gist was that tim really loved allyson, and she was his 1st love and how he was hurt and how me and her is like rubbing salt in a wound, but i should have spoken up, i had been hurt 2, and she assumed that it wasnt my 1st heartbreak even though she was wrong. pretty much my side of the story is that i had had a crush on ally 4 ever, one day i decided id try 2 c if she liked me 2. i guess she did, i loved her ever since i started 2 get 2 know her, and then tim started liking her and i asked her if shed go out w/ him if he asked and she said no, hes weird. so, i had time, right? nope. next thing i know allys avoiding me and hanging out w/ him. she wouldnt tell me anything, wouldnt talk 2 me, wouldnt b my friend, wouldnt anything. she should have told me they were dating, instead of ignoring me and casting me aside. she didnt even want me as a friend, or so it seemed. ouch, some1 u loved and thought liked u doesnt even wanna talk 2 u or b near u, ouch. the thing that bothered me most was we could have just been friends, if she would have treated me better. im a prson, u cant ignore me and think everythings gonna b ok, or its better if he doesnt know or anything like that. i pretty much went into an emotional zombie like state, i talked more 2 get the pain out, anything 2 get her off my mind. i started 2 compare myself 2 tim and wonder y she choose him, and try 2 c where i was worse than him. i hated myself for not being good enough for her, or even good enough for her to talk to. then jenny tells me she got a blog, so i go on there w/ the full intention of opening up all the doors 2 friend ship. i come out sounding like a jerk, saying horridly mean things, then i burst and told her how much i love her, now its us togeather and tim wont talk 2 any1 even tho he wants 2 b friends. the memories that come up everytime some1 says his name r those of him and ally, so tnx mrs mcdaniel 4 saying his name 100+ times 2day, i have my own wounds to have salt in so its hard 4 me 2 b around him or talk 2 him, 2 bad u only know part of the story, and allyson, im srry, i know ull read this, but i had 2 say it and i love u sooooooooo unbelieveably much, also i forgive u for everything u did 2 me, dont read into this the wrong way, u and me togeather erases anything but my love 4 u, i really am srry, i needed 2 get this off my chest so bad, mrs mcdaniel, im srry, u dont know my part of story, i shouldnt blame u